Thanksgiving weekend is just wrapping up here in the USA, and while it is not without a very real and problematic history that as an immigrant I’m still working out how to talk about to my kids, it is also a family minefield.
We don’t have extended family to hang out with or travel to for the holidays – my husband’s family are in Florida, and that’s complicated. My family are in Europe – so no thanksgiving there. So for us, it’s just us.
This – in and of itself – somehow feels like a failure. Most of our kids’ friends are spending the weekend with extended family – either locally, or within a reasonable flight. Yes, we’re a blended, international family, and I know hanging out with in-laws for the weekend, or deciding which side of the family to visit, is equally difficult. But this is hard too.
I also always imagined we’d be a home for international students feeling lost and lonely on holidays – but we live 150 miles from my students, and life with a full time faculty job and a family doesn’t provide much time to be that family – which makes me even more thankful for the families who played that role during my graduate school years in California. Part of this is recognizing there is a time and a phase – and teenagers and toddlers may not be that phase. And obviously our location doesn’t help.
So what do we do, how do we make memories with just a small group of us? We made a thanksgiving dinner – turkey breast (that the teenagers don’t eat, and the toddler is just sort of working out that is comes from an actual turkey), sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, stuffing (with herbs from the garden – a lifelong dream come true), gravy. We decorated for Christmas on Friday. We tried to be enough. And in reality – this little group won’t ever be enough. We need community, we need extended family and friends, playdates and conversation with others.
The toddler and I took off on Saturday for Let’s Play Work – which gave her a little time for a new friend play time, and me a little time to sit still (something I fail at when we are all home). We went swimming (thanks to the Y), and after the twins left to see their mom on Sunday, we built a snowman in the second snow of the year (the first being on halloween…)
Tomorrow is Monday. We are all back at school – I drive to Champaign in the morning, and teach until 8pm. It’s going to be a long day. I’m sad that this weekend is over. I’m excited to start the countdown to winter break and Christmas and to have a little time to be just myself.
We will get better at this – as we move out of covid isolation and back into local friendships – and we will get more comfortable with the boundaries of our family. And someday we will fly to Europe for a random week in November 🙂
We treat Thanksgiving as a nice day off with little traffic to deal with!
It sounds like ya’ll still had a great time regardless, and these memories will be the ones your kiddos look back on fondly. A random vacay in Europe is a must!
Oh I hear you…I have visions in my head about inviting in all the neighbours, being a house where there are lots of kids in and out and always having snacks and art supplies available while I smile fondly at the mess…But the reality doesn’t look like that most of the time. A lot of the time it is just us juggling all the kid’s activities, work and laundry and life admin. I’m trying to be content with the times it’s just the four of us playing a board game, eating a meal together, laughing and relaxing. I try to remember that those times give the kids the belief that they can be themselves at home and that they always belong in our family.
A European thanksgiving rowdy, messy, memory making get together sounds absolutely brilliant though…next year perhaps. Xx