The lost art of rest

Last night my toddler was awake twice between about 1am and 6.45, when she was ready for the day. At about 2pm, I got an alert from my Apple Watch congratulating me on closing one of my activity rings – the stand ring. And yes, it’s set to 12 hours a day – so by 2pm, I’d been standing for at least a minute every hour for 12 hours since midnight – 12 of 14 hours since midnight. 

Why is this something we celebrate? I get the theory – research is clear about the health issues related to our overly-sedentary lifestyle, so it makes sense that we should try small nudges to get people to move a little more. But in this era of AI, surely there is some way we can also promote rest amid these prompts? Perhaps even a little – wow, you’ve hit your stand goal for the day and it’s only 2pm – make sure to put your feet up later!

It’s just a small example, but it reminds me of how little we value rest, and how much easier it can be to stay busy than to pause, to be present, to take care of ourselves and embrace quiet. 

Now, I was raised in a household of do-ers, with not a lot of time (both literal and figurative) for relaxation or hobbies. Our house was spotless, my mom made all our bread from scratch and my dad quit working in time to watch the 9 o’clock news, and then went to bed (although almost always making it to family dinner). And then I managed to choose a career where you will never get enough done. So, I find it easy to keep busy, and especially difficult to be calm and rest when life gets stressful. I have been trying to come to terms with the reality that I am more comfortable being busy, but that isn’t always what is best for me and my family. 

During the initial months of covid (which also coincided with the birth of my daughter) I started to struggle what sort of rest is enough. When we had very little other than family, tv and work, it seemed like we should have enough, but it wasn’t.  Some time in the last year or so, however, I came across the work of Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, who has identified seven different types of rest – and this started to help me think about what sort of rest we need, and how to work that into our lives (rest this into our lives?)

The seven types of rest that Dalton-Smith identifies are: physical, mental, emotional, sensory, creative, social and spiritual. As a mom, and someone who is chronically busy, but always tired, it was eye-opening to think about rest as more than just sleep. 

And yes, I never get enough sleep. But realizing that getting more sleep wouldn’t help me feel rested – and more importantly that it was ok to do things I enjoy rather than sleep in the free time I have, made a big difference.  Here’s a few examples:

The importance of mental rest makes me feel it’s ok to zone out to a tv series (and a reminder to put down the phone and really engage in entertainment). 

The importance of emotional rest helps me recognize why I am so tired these days – the last few years have been emotionally intense. It helps to find a few minutes to spend time (in person or on the phone) with someone who cares about me. 

Sensory rest. As a mom this one really resonates. Yep. I need a break sometimes. Not from the kids, or my husband, or the zoom calls or work meetings, but from the sensory overload that is my life. Stop the noise, stop the TV, just stop and be quite for a few minutes. 

Creative rest really is a struggle for me. I like to cook. I hate to cook at 4.45pm when I’m tired and the kids are yelling and there are all of 6 meals that everyone will eat. Some nights I take my time and cook food I like to cook and enjoy the process. And reminds me to look for other moments of creativity that make me feel good, even if it’s not actually pretty. 

Social rest is a weird mix. For me, this is getting to spend time with friends. Often just a single friend as that works for me. Finding the right balance of social interaction with people you really care about, and not overwhelming yourself with social obligations is a delicate and important balance. 

And spiritual rest. A complicated one for many of us but an important moment to remember that we are all taxed spiritually, and finding a time to pause, to connect to more than ourselves and to embrace what matters to us. 

So take a break. Not only a nap, but a rest that reinvigorates who you are. Who lets you explore one of the many parts of yourself. And remember that this teaches our children that their whole selves matter.