It’s a Sunday afternoon, and the perfect weather to be outside with my little one, taking a bike ride to the park or something equally wholesome. But the thought of going to a park and watching her play was making me feel anxious. As I tried to work out why (and I could really do with some fresh air and exercise too…) I realized part of what I dislike about the park is the fact that I have to pay 100% attention to my child, and feel judged every time I check my phone or try to respond to an email even while my daughter is happily occupied.
Instead we ended up at one of my favorite places – Let’s Play Work – an indoor play area with seating for parents – that describe themselves as “A grown-up friendly kid space”. And it does feel like a grown-up friendly space. It feels like a judgement free space – where kids are supposed to play unsupervised (in a safe, restricted place), and parents can sit and work or scroll through social media, without the fear of judgement for not being fully involved 100% of the time.
I think before I had kids I thought it was possible to give 100% to work, to your family, and still be an active member of your friendship groups and society as a whole. I had this idea that super-woman was not just some overwhelmed mother putting on a brave face for the outside world, but an actual possibility.
It is just not possible to work full time, care full time, and be a sane human. Weekends are no longer time to recuperate from work, but the time kids are home from school and daycare and need attention, and the week’s meals need to be planned, and the laundry done and on and on…
I’ve been listening to Jessica Grose‘s Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood as I drive to work this week. Far too much of it resonates with my experiences as a mother with a full time job. We expect too much of ourselves and each other. Yes, our kids need us and our attention. And our jobs need us and our attention. But sometimes it really helps to have a space where it’s ok to focus on just one of those things; to acknowledge that we really can’t multi-task, or even to just take a break.
Whole hearted agree as i take a break from work at 9pm on a Sunday night….being present is so hard in all the different roles.
Also Jessica Grosse is so good!!
The demands are high. The rewards are great. Thanks for giving voice to the challenges.
Yes the impossible ideal of the perfect mother. It’s a lie. I think our kids need us to be real imperfect humans rather than stressed out fakers.
Thanks for the pod recommendation I will add it to my library!