My husband went above and beyond today to give me a lovely and love-filled mother’s day. He let me go back to sleep when our 4-year old came in at 6am, and I was greeted with cards, candy from home (Quality Streets!) and the most perfect cake which, upon opening the box, released roses and paper butterflies, flying around to room. We went for a walk in the woods, went out for dinner and will spend the end of the day curled up watching a tv show together.
But it’s also a particularly tricky day, because, as a step-mother, I spend 364 days a year treating our twins like my own kids, loving them like my own kids, and then, for one day that’s meant to mark motherhood, watch them get themselves out of bed and leave for 10am to spend the day with their mom. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy they have a good relationship with their mom – which is part of what makes this tricky – and I know that expecting anything more from the twins isn’t fair, as how should they know what sense to make of the multiple adults in their lives? We are sad when the twins leave us, and that is part of mother’s day for me.
It’s also tricky because Mother’s day in Ireland falls two weeks before Easter – so weeks before Mother’s day in the US. And so while today I watched many friends connect with their own moms, it’s not really a day where there is an expectation that I’ll do the same. I don’t miss my mum today, like I miss her on Irish Mother’s Day. My sisters and I sent flowers weeks ago, got enthusiastic greetings and shared our love for our family or origin in joint messages to each other.
But today was just about me, and not really about all of me, because it was just about a part of me. It was about my wonderful, enchanting daughter, and the family of three that my husband and I have created with her. The family we love, but not the family of five that feels complete, and not the extended family that represents more of who we are.
It is good, and it is lovely, but it is not uncomplicated.
