I’m a bit late with a New Year’s Resolution post… those of you with young children will understand, I hope!
And as we think of resolutions for the new year, we all start to think of the classics – is it Dry January for you (which research shows is totally worth it and reduces your alcohol intake in the months that follow, an undeniably important move for your health)? Or is it to join a gym (don’t bother), Meatless Mondays, or to finally quit the job you hate and take off to explore the world?
I will admit to not being a fan of New Year’s Resolutions. Except for that one year I promised to go to the gym every night I didn’t have other plans (and allowed staying home to watch TV to be a plan – which made that a choice, not a default), worked pretty well.
But this year, as I think about what will help us live longer, healthier lives, I return to a common theme of this blog – friendships. Research is shockingly clear – the negative impacts of being lonely are significant and people who have a small number of good friends (you know, the ones you can call up on a good day to celebrate with you, or a bad day to share your sorrows with, the ones who you can depend on to always be there for you) – live substantially longer than those who do not. You can eat a vegetarian diet, exercise, not smoke or drink and meditate – but having friends has the most impact. Wow. We really are social creatures.
Check out the new book by Dan Buettner: The Blue Zones Secrets for Living Longer: Lessons From the Healthiest Places on Earth to learn more about the important impact of social interaction – as well as lots of other elements of life in Blue Zones, where people live routinely live to over 100. I also like the Blue Zone Recipes if you’re looking for some new meal inspiration
So, how do we make friends? Social psychology has spent a lot of time (and money) trying to work out why people are friends (or life-partners) and what they have found out is really quite boring – and really quite hard in modern society. We make friends through frequent, unplanned interactions, particularly in situations that encourage people to lower their guard and connect.
Now, one of the worst things about our society is how easy it is to bury your head in a phone and never have those frequent, unplanned interactions. Just think – if you live in a town where you can frequent the same coffee shop, go to the same grocery store and run into the same people every day on public transport – these are all potential friends.
So here’s my challenge for this year. Not making friends, not losing weight (though that’d be great), not going to the gym three days a week (ha!) – but leaving my phone in my bag or pocket while walking around, standing in line at the grocery store, being at the children’s museum or play area. Being present allows for informal connects – and that is a start.
